This is the feeling what every person on Earth have felt at least once .
And we all know how it feels .Even though we all “connected” through the internet. Many people are using the communication sources (such as Tumbrl, Facebook,Whatsapp,Gumtree – the list is endless) are trapped in that [spider] web. People are looking for something.For someone. Because of the loneliness.
And ,unfortunately,we get used to feel it here and there.
Some people are posting about their miserable life and all they want is to get some response – whether it is negative or positive .It is the scream of the desperation. It is sad. Yesterday , when I checked one profile at Tumbrl , I saw the author who made a video where she was crying into the camera and sarcastically said “This was a very nice day.I`m looking forward what brings tomorrow” . And I felt so sad about her. Yes,perhaps she also have the “haters” and “lovers” on that site.But ..mostly,in her life,in her real life , the only people who she meet are haters.Stupid little bas*ers ,who doesn`t know what is what(yet). It`s sad. Very very sad. I bet, it is because of the loneliness .
The loneliness is everywhere around us .Wherever we go, whatever we do(at this point it`s careless,but still). We thought that the global web will rally us,will change us somehow,people will communicate much better.But ,as they say , there is two sides of every story. It made us to be distant one to each other. It bring such saying as “personal distance” into our life. Oh well.
You know.. talking about myself here,I`m very talkative person . I don`t know , maybe it`s addiction , I can`t live without it , I can`t survive without cheering someone`s up , without teaching someone how to live the better life,how to fix this and that. No,don`t get me wrong , I just like to understand how people think and act. What exactly urges them to do this or that. Maybe I am just curious .. or curious too much, I don`t know. Anyway.
Reputedly , Christmas is the day for the whole family , when they can/have to set aside all the troubles between the family members,sit at the table and eat their humble pie , trying to enjoy this Christmas eve or the day after that.
Yes , I feel a bit lonely . Not because of my sister, who went to visit her ..erm.. friend.Not because of my family , who are just in a distance of the call. Not because of my ex-girlfriend who always is happy to talk to me and have a laugh and such. Not because of the other people who may unwillingly respond on my text messages because they are polite or ”nice”. It`s just the feeling of loneliness..when you ask yourself who you are and what you will leave after you are gone?
I miss that feeling when I could look at my bf and she smiled me back(It`s silly confession to make , I know.But I don`t care). This was when I was in relationships , but even later.It was sort of connection. Connection not like we “have” 900 “friends” on Facebook. Not when we meet someone outside the work and smile and have a small talk which can end you know where. That connection has an intimacy. And I miss that.
The last year for me was a disaster. Complete disaster. Irregardless of what I have just said ,that was a good experience .And I went through it,so it wouldn`t be fair if I call it as complete disaster. My point was,even though I had very bad period of time,now I am still alive and productively working on my targets,which were English and job. Now,when I feel much more confident in both subjects, I think it`s time for me to think about ways how I can rid of loneliness. The next year will be special for me , my dear readers. The next year will bring me something especially beautiful and dearest. Whether you with me or not. Whether the so changing English weather or “the weather”into my life. I will work hard to get this done and ,rest assured,I will get what I want. But till that time , oh , loneliness, be my guest and have a cup of English tea with me . Be with me to make me stronger. Be with me to prepare me . Be with me just because you are the part of the circle of life. Stay with me for now, I don`t want to be alone.
P.S. this topic wasn`t ,in general , about the loneliness . It was mostly about my feelings. Personal feelings ,which every person has experienced at least once in their life.